How to say- "No"
Listen, there is an urgent job, will you do my work? OK will do.
Excuse me, listen, I’m writing an assignment, will you get me Xerox?
Yes, ok I had to get Xerox too.
Hello team, I know vacation time is going on, but this time also you will have to waste your vacation time, you will have to do overtime.
So are you guys ready to be? Yes sir, will do. Yes Yes Yes.
How many times has it happened to you that someone has requested you, but your heart is shouting from inside that please say “no” but still you have said “yes”
and then later regret that I said “yes”.
You are wasting my time so much. I do not like to do this thing at all, but still, I am doing it. After this, you must have abused the person in front and yourself. This must have happened to every person at least once. They may have said “yes” to what they had to say “no” for, thinking of others.
On the other hand, there are people who don’t even know how to say “yes”. They don’t even understand how to say “no”. Many people do not want to make the person in front feel bad, so they aren’t able to say “No”.
If you are also such a person who has a problem saying “No”, then this article will be very useful for you. Because this article will give you the courage to say “No”, and tell you different strategies, with the help of which you can say “No” well, without making the person angry in front of you, and spoiling your relationship.
First of all, remember that saying “No” can be the biggest productivity hack of your life, whenever you say “No” to a person, the hour you were supposed to spend on his project is now that one hour will add up to your life. Automatically one hour will be the increment of your life. In that 1 hour, you can work on your projects, you can spend time with your friends and family or you can do something for yourself, which many people are not able to do because they do not get time in life.
It is seen that many people who are very busy with their life but still they keep saying “yes” to the requests of others. Because of this, they do not get time for themselves, which is not good for them.
The best productivity for this is that he may learn to say “No”.
First of all let us see why saying “No” is so difficult for us, especially for all Indians.
Remind, when your parents told you to go to school or to do some work after which you said “No” in anger, that “I will not go to school, I will not study” then on this bravery What reward did you get?
Slippers, shoes, brooms, belts, and if nothing else, at least abuses.
There were a lot of great options like this, with parents from the 90s and before which they kept giving us. These nice bounties were not good for us in the slightest. Talking about school it used to happen many times in school that you could say “No” to the principal, and teachers, “No, I will not do homework”. When did teachers ask you whether you did homework or not?
What happened when we said “No”? If I tell myself, I have been cocked many times, I have been slapped for saying “No”, got beaten up with a duster, and so many other interesting things for saying “No”.
You too must have received many such rewards. Right? Since childhood, we have not been taught to say “No”. We have been encouraged for this only to obey the authority.
And on the other hand, whenever we used to say “yes” instead of “no”,
we used to get a lot of positive inputs on it, teachers’ love. “Yes, take our surprise test”, “Yes, I have come after homework”, and received compliments.
These are some of the reasons for childhood on saying yes, we used to get more opportunities in childhood. “How to say No”-Authors say that it is difficult to say no because we consciously and subconsciously think that our goals are not more important than the interest of others.
Think to yourself, if we have to do a lot of important work, will you go to pass the time on your friend’s extravagant request? you will not go. And if you go, you show right here that your work is not that important.
People think that if they say “No” then they become selfish, people will say selfish.
I used to think so before. It is very difficult to say “No” because of all these reasons.
Let’s see how “No” is said.
To say “no” you have to understand three things.
First is that saying “No” does not make you a selfish person rather it rises your generosity.
EXAMPLE – There are many people who say yes to others, accept their words
and then become exhausted because they have run out of energy, but still they are wasting their energy on others which increases their stress. Because of this people talk well on their faces but do evil behind their backs and get angry at them.
Whereas, the person who thinks about himself does not have so much bitterness in him.
Every person has some needs which are very important to be fulfilled and if he is not fulfilled then this thing will give him a mental problem.
In Emotional Intelligence, it has been told that humans have emotional tank-like vehicles that have a petrol tank, which if it runs out, the car will not run. Similarly, we also have an emotional tank, which if it becomes empty we will not be able to talk well, there will be irritability and anger inside us. Due to this, we will not be able to form a good relationships with others or be happy.
That’s why it is very important that we think about ourselves.
It is good to help others but it is also important to fulfill your need.
In plains, they say that if the oxygen mask falls, then wear your own first then help others. Otherwise, if you make the person on the first side wear a mask then you will also faint and the other person will also faint.
On the other hand, if that person will first wear the oxygen mask himself then he will be more capable of helping others. If you fulfill your emotional need and things that are important to you by saying “No” then you will be able to do good work for others.
The second thing you have to understand is that saying “No” will not spoil your relationship. It will only strengthen it. I know the person to whomever you go will always say “yes” to your request. Because of this, people also take advantage, and they do not even value him and his time.
I have seen so many times that they waste the time of the person in front. The person who knows how to say “No”, people value more. Those people understand that we cannot waste his time. This increases the value of that person and his time. Due to this, the person in front will respect you more in long term and your relationships will be better.
The third thing you have to remember is that whenever you say yes to a person, You are saying “No” to all those things which are valuable to you.
It is very important to understand this thing. When someone is requesting you which you think that isn’t genuine he can do it himself, then remember these 3Ps.
People, Project, and Personal Wellbeing.
Whenever you are saying yes to which person, you are giving your time and energy to him. At the same time, if you wanted, you could have given to those people who are really valuable to you. That is your mother, Dad, and your friends whom you love.
Somewhere you are saying no to these loved ones, you are not spending time with them.
2nd P is for Project: Saying yes means that you are saying no to your project, which will help you move forward in your life.
3rd P – Personal Well-Being:
Whenever you are saying yes to others, it means that you are saying “No” to your personal well being the time you could invest in improving your health, going to the gym, and reading books. Investing in your mind is very important if you want to move forward in your life.
The third thing to remember is that if you are saying ‘yes’ to others you are saying “No” to your people, projects, and personal well-being. Will it really be worth it? If not, please learn to say “No”.
Now let me tell you three specific ways that you can say “No” without making people angry.
The 1st type is Categorical.
The author tells an example that he once went to a taxi driver.
He asked, “Will you go to the airport?” So on this, the taxi driver said that sorry sir,
I have stopped going to the airport. The answer must not have been so much fun on this matter but still, the thing was that the taxi driver had created a category that he doesn’t go to the airport, which is a bit understandable, It does not annoy the person in front, as much as a harsh no.
Similarly, you can also create categories.
Example – If your friend is saying that let’s go to the pub, we will have fun there then you can say sorry I have stopped going to the pub in weekdays.
I have made some rules like if I want to give an interview then I give an interview only on Friday.
In the same way, you can create boundaries and categories. If you say “No” with the reasons, people will understand. They may not respond so well in starting, but gradually they will understand that yes this person does not do this thing.
This will also increase your values and people like people who have some strong values. That’s why you also set the category for yourself.
The second way to say “No” is by giving a reference to a commitment.
Example – If someone tells you please do my work, and your office time is out
then you can say – “Sorry man, after office, I have taken a commitment to go to the gym
from 8:00 am my gym starts and I have to go there”.
You can say that I have given a commitment that I have to complete the project in 1 week, so I cannot do this work for you guys or simply you can also say that I have given time to my family. Because people understand the value of giving commitments.
No one wants to break their commitments.
Therefore, say many times, you will understand this thing.
3rd – Counter Offer.
Example – If someone tells you to do A/B/C/D work for me. Then instead of saying no to all the work, you can make a counter offer. Sorry, I will not be able to do all these things but in one thing I can help you with A work. Or I can refer you to that person who will help you with this task.
Similarly, you can give a counter offer that you can actually do and for which you will not have to spend much time and you will not feel bad in doing it. A counter offer is also a great way to get people to say “no”.
The truth is that whenever you say “No” to people, they will feel bad, but you have to understand that saying “No” is not bad. People may feel bad about starting but it will be good for you. And if it is good for you, it will be good for others as well.
As I already explained, you shouldn’t think saying “No” is such a big deal. You should know how to say “No”.
Many times the thing will make you a strong individual. Those who do not like people in the beginning, but those who care for you in actual those people will gradually understand and respect you.
People who do not respect you, if you say “No” to them too, then they will also slowly start respecting you.
No more Nice guy and many such books have been written, it has been told that whenever you are very available to people, then they don’t like this thing.
They will consciously think that you are a good person but subconsciously this reduces your value. That’s why you learn to say “No”.
You don’t need to say “No” on everything but when you don’t feel like doing that thing at all, then you can say “No” and you should.
How to say no without making people angry
Remember saying no is the best productivity hack for your time.
3 things before saying NO
1-It will not make you selfish
2- It won’t hurt relationships
3- Saying yes means saying no to 3 p
YOUR PERSONAL WELL BEING
3 WAYS TO SAY - No
1- CATEGORICAL NO
2- COMMITMENT NO
3- COUNTER OFFERS NO
Share this article with your spouse and kids, And teach them the most valuable skill for their life.